How Do You Prioritize the Priorities?

January 4, 2013 by 4 Comments
photo credit: H is for Home via photopin cc

photo credit: H is for Home via photopin cc

How many times have you read the advice to sneak tasks into those “spare” minutes in the day? The five minutes while waiting in the car pool line, the seven minutes while the kids play in the bathtub, the four minutes while you wait for the water to boil or the oven to preheat. We’re told that these are golden opportunities to sneak in those things we say we don’t have time for.

We are told we can fill these stolen moments with:

  • reading for pleasure
  • taking care of ourselves
  • cleaning
  • organizing
  • connecting with your kids
  • teaching your kids

These are just a few of the tasks we are told we can fill up those “extra” minutes in our day with. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have that many unaccounted for minutes in my day. Certainly not enough to squeeze in all the suggested activities I could squeeze in if I were maximizing those seconds in my day.

For example, take bath time. After the hair is washed and the wriggly bodies are scrubbed, my kids like to splash and play for five or ten minutes (or until after the water gets cold if I would let them). So according to all the suggestions I read, I could be using these minutes read a magazine. Or to give myself a five minute facial or remove my nail polish. Or to clean my sink, toilet, etc. Or to organize my linen closet or cupboard under my sink. Or to talk to my kids about their day, their hopes, their dreams. Or to practice skills like counting, spelling, or patterning with my children. I don’t know how you do the math, but that’s at least 40 minutes worth of “stuff” right there. Talk about cold water and prune-like fingers.

So what do I usually end up doing while my kids are splashing and squirting? I usually feel so overwhelmed by all the activities I should be fitting in right then, that I stare out the window or at the wall and fret about all the things I should be doing right then. Productive and efficient, huh?

I wish this was one of my posts where I then go on to offer five or ten tips for solving this dilemma. However, I don’t have the answer, either. So this is a post where I ask YOU how to solve this dilemma. How do you spend the minutes you can fill with things you never get to? How do you decide what to fill those minutes with?

How do you prioritize the priorities?

Filed Under: Stress Management, Time Management Tagged With: , , , ,

Organize Your Group with GroupGel

November 29, 2012 by Leave a Comment

As a mom who works outside the home, I know how easy the business world has made it to communicate information to groups. Each day at work, I have multiple options available to get information out to coworkers in a quick and efficient manner. I have established email groups, an intranet, and interoffice mail all at my disposal and all easy and fast.

However, when I am in my mom role and outside of work, it gets more difficult to communicate information to other moms, church groups, or sports parents. Most of us with children find that we interact with at least one group, usually more. And sometimes because of the difficulties in organizing these communications, people get left out or times are wrong or needs are misunderstood.

That’s where GroupGel comes in. GroupGel is a new online app made specifically for communicating with groups. It makes sending messages, collecting RSVPs, and getting volunteers so much easier! GroupGel is a cloud-based system, so it is easy to access from anywhere, whether you’re at home, at work, or on the go.

GroupGel is very user-friendly and easy to set up. It is free to sign up and creating your group takes only a few minutes. Even adding group members can be done in a matter of seconds; simply fill in their name and contact info and you’re set! You can also easily create subgroups, so you can send messages or events to only a portion of the group, rather than everyone. Perfect for getting a message to just those attending an event, while not bothering those that can’t make it.

One of my favorite features is the Messages. You can easily send a message to the group via email, text, or phone, or all three. This is perfect for those last minute changes in time or location like rain delays of sports events. It also allows you to send reminders to groups, such as “Don’t forget to bring your dish to pass to the play group holiday party!”

Another great feature is Sign Ups. This makes organizing get togethers and parties so much easier! This GroupGel feature allows you to list all the items needed and group members can go in and sign up for what they are bringing. Having a potluck and don’t want seven trays of cookies and one pasta salad? Make a sign up list and ensure you get a varied and perfect selection of dishes! Similarly, you can use the Volunteers feature to get sign ups for different jobs or tasks needed within the group or for an event.

GroupGel allows you to create Interest Forms which are perfect for easily and quickly gathering information from group members. For example, my group of mom friends and I get together and hold a book exchange with our kids every year at Christmas. How much easier would it be to buy for this party if we all knew more about the types of books the kids in the group are interested in and what reading, or listening, levels are in the group? An Interest Form could gather this info and have it available for the group to see.

The Event feature allows you to invite the group to an event in one quick step. Simply create the event and it gets sent to the entire group. You can also simply click a box to make RSVPs to the event an option. This allows everyone in the group to get the same information without worrying that you forgot to tell someone the details.

I am guilty of having complained (numerous times) about the lack of organization in groups and activities my kids are involved in. The Coach often tells me that maybe I should volunteer to organize it then. But with a full time job, kids, home, and a million other to-dos, I simply haven’t had the time available to do that. However, with GroupGel, the time needed to organize soccer snacks or baseball concession stand duties would be drastically cut, making it a much more manageable task. Uh-oh, did I just volunteer to organize these? :)

This is a sponsored review by GroupGel. All opinions expressed are my own.  

Filed Under: Organizing, Parenting, Time Management Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Necessity Is the Mother of Invention (or Maybe It’s Lack of Time)

November 8, 2012 by 2 Comments

A page from my new planner

My beloved planner system was no longer working for me. And since I have yet to find a product on the market that is exactly what I’m looking for, I had to resort to making my own.

I’ve written before about being a paper and pencil (or colored pens, actually) kind of girl. I’ve tried electronic planners and they just don’t work for me. Although I may be coming around, because the notes and reminders apps on my iPhone have been getting a lot of use lately. I also have my own quirky way of keeping track and informing my family of what is going on. For awhile, this whole system was working great. For awhile.

I jot down a lot of notes; quotes I like, things I want to remember, great ideas, books I want to read, ideas for Muffin Tin Meals, etc. And while I have loved using my pretty notebooks to keep track of my goals, meal plans, grocery lists, and everything else, I was finding I used up the notebook way before I used all the ideas in it. Which led to me rewriting and rewriting certain things. I don’t have time for that.

So I set about to create a solution to my problem. I needed something I could write in, but that I wouldn’t have to rewrite all the time to transfer info. I needed it to be portable enough to fit in my bag. I needed spots for weekly goals and to-do’s, meal planning, budgeting, great general info like books and quotes, and blogging ideas and tips.

I didn’t need a calendar, as I have a calendar system at work I use that fits perfectly with my job. I print out calendar pages and have three months at a time posted by my desk to track meetings and appointments. Then I use a cute weekly to-do list pad from the dollar spot at Target for my weekly work to-do’s. Since I don’t take much work home, I don’t need these items to travel – they stay in their homes at my desk!

What I needed was to organize my life, not my job. So I browsed around online and found a number of bloggers that had created their own printable planning pages. Being the perfectionist, Type A person that I am, none of them were exactly what I wanted. So I created my own! My planning pages are a mix of open space pages to write on and pages with static info typed in and printed. Here are some of the features of my planning pages:

  • Weekly goals page, things to do page, and writing list page – all open space to write in my info for the week
  • Dinner meal plan and lunch meal plan – dates filled in and standing activities, but open space to write in meals
  • Spending plan – arranged by week; filled in are the pay dates and bills to be paid those weeks, and the estimate for each expense, left open are lines for the actual amount and a check box for paid
  • Meal ideas with my favorites filled in and space for more, lunch ideas (same), and Muffin Tin Meal ideas (this I created boxes with six spaces since my muffin tins have six spots, a freezer inventory page with open lines, and an open yummy ideas to remember page
  • Book wish list (filled in with the books I already have on my list and open space to add more!), home projects list (again, some filled in and some space for more), what to do each season list (I’ve been wanting to get this going!), Stuff I want to remember (open space to write anything I want to remember)
  • Great blogging info page (filled in with some lists I like to have handy and space for more ideas and info)

I color coded sections to make it a little more organized and pretty. Then I printed, three hole punched, and put it in a folder with prongs (which I chose because it is much slimmer than a binder). I used my Avery tabs that I love to divide each section.

Sound like something you could use? Click HERE to download a blank pdf version of my planner! My organizing gift to you! :) Interested in the word version you can customize? Email me!

What type of planning system do you use?

Filed Under: Organizing, Stress Management, Time Management Tagged With: , , , ,

Back to School Series: Get in a Groove!

August 17, 2012 by 4 Comments

Next installment in the back-to-school series! Today I am tackling the topic of routines. Creating routines and sticking to them is a tough one for me. How about you? So here are some ideas on creating and sticking to routines that will help make the transition to school, and into the school year, much smoother for you and the kiddos!

  • What do you need to include? This sounds like a no brainer, but I know for me it helps to jot down a list of exactly what my routine needs to include. For the kids, the morning routine simply needs to include getting dressed and brushing teeth. They eat breakfast at school/day care, so that is already taken care of. In the afternoon, the routine needs to include activities such as unpacking backpacks and doing chores. Evening routine needs to include preparing for the next day and the usual bedtime activities like brushing teeth and reading stories. Then I have a few activities to figure out where they should fit in, such as homework. Right after school? Right after dinner? This requires some more thought…
  • Consider your children’s independence levels. When it comes to determining if you should be doing something or if your kids should be taking responsibility for it, there are a few questions you can ask. First, CAN they do it? Consider their developmental level, if they are physically and cognitively capable of doing a task. Once you have determined if they can do a task, next consider SHOULD they do it? I’m all for teaching kids responsibility, but I also realize that my kids are in school/day care all day and need a rest and some time to chill out. So while they are capable of a lot of tasks, they shouldn’t necessarily do them all. Basically, I pick my top priorities. Finally, consider WILL IT TAKE LONGER if they do it? While it is important for kids to learn to do certain things on their own, the reality is there are only so many minutes in a day and if you need to be somewhere on time, sometimes you just have to do it for them.
  • Make your routine visible and easy to follow. Once you have figured out what and when activities will occur in the routine, post it where it is easy for you and your kiddos to see it. Make it simple and easy to understand for children. For younger kids, use pictures. For older kids, use simple short phrases. If you want kids to take an interest in it, make it bright, colorful, and fun looking!
  • Practice, practice, practice and reinforce, reinforce, reinforce! As a former elementary school teacher, I know one of the keys to classroom success is spending a huge percentage of your time the first few weeks reviewing, practicing, and reinforcing classroom routines and procedures. The rationale for this is that if you devote the time in the beginning of the school year to this practice, you will spend very little time on it the rest of the school year. And it worked (at least for me). The same is true at home. Review the routine every day. Go through it step by step every day. Stop and correct when it is not followed. And reinforce through positive rewards when kids follow the routine. It can be encouraging words, stickers, small treats, whatever works for your kids. After a few weeks of this level of commitment to learning routines, it will be automatic for you and your kids.

What does your routine include? What tips do you have for creating and sticking to routines?

Filed Under: Parenting, Stress Management, Time Management Tagged With: , , , , , ,

4 Step Prep for Vacation

August 9, 2012 by 6 Comments

iStockphoto.com

I recently went on vacation (yeah!!!) and was reminded of the tremendous amount of prep work involved in taking a break. I did two relatively easy, but back to back, vacations – camping for a weekend followed by a 9 hour trip to stay with family.

I’m not talking about all the planning work. That was actually done rather easily and some of it for me! The camping trip was almost completely planned by The Coach’s aunt. The trip to visit my family was another relatively easy planning process. We were staying with my aunt so no hotel booking was required and she knew the activities in the area.

The prep work I am talking about is what happens in that day or so before you leave. Plans are made and now you have to go from living your normal life to being on vacation. That is what can be overwhelming! So here are my four steps to prepping for a vacation.

  • Clean the house.  I know – you never have time to do this when you don’t have packing looming in front of you. But this is a good idea for a couple reasons. The first is simply that it feels so nice to come back to a clean house. The next is that if you have clutter laying around and things are not where they belong, it takes 10 times longer to find what you need to pack. Or the clutter laying around by your items to pack will inadvertently make it into your bags. Or worse, the items meant to go in your bags will be mistaken for the clutter next to it. You get the point.
  • Make a list of every item you need to pack and check items off as you gather them. This provides you with a “thinking twice” approach. You go through everything in your head once, then again as you go through the list and mark items off as you get them out. You’re less likely to forget essentials when you think through what you need twice.
  • Have a “staging area.” When I gather all the items on my list, I put them all in one place. Depending how much and what I am packing, I might use my bed, or the dining room. Everything that will need to be packed goes to the staging area. This will first allow you to see at a glance what you have out and what is missing. But even more helpful, you can group items together and get a feel for what size and how many bags you need. I know I like to pack the fewest number of bags possible so there is less to carry in and out. Once everything in your staging area is packed, you can look at how it is going to fit into the car.
  • Load the car smartly. As you look at everything in your staging area, think about if there is anything you will need on the way, such as diapers, or jammies to change kids into before they fall asleep in their car seats. Put those items in an easy to reach spot. Next, think about what you will need first and what you will need last. This gives you an approach for loading things into the car. You don’t want the bag you will need right away packed behind or under everything else. Think about hidden spaces as well when packing the car. We have a minivan with stow-and-go seats, so since the middle seats are up, we use the  compartments meant for the seats to fold into for storage of items like pillows and life jackets.

And now you are ready to roll! What are your vacation prep tips?

Filed Under: Stress Management, Time Management Tagged With: , , ,

Working Moms Need a Morning Routine that Works

July 5, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I can’t count the number of articles and blog posts I have read about the importance of creating a morning routine and how to do so. The problem with every one of the these routines, is that they are all structured for stay-at-home-moms or work-at-home-moms. I don’t have anything against these moms, but their morning is drastically different from my morning. A routine that works for them, will not work for me. So these articles I read just ended up making me feel crappy and guilty that I couldn’t start my morning right for me or for my children. Uggghhh – Mommy guilt.

I knew a routine would help all of us, but I also knew that my morning routine would never look like the ones I read about. I didn’t have an hour to myself, then time to get ready, then time for the kids in my morning. We had a specific time to leave the house because I needed to do two different drop offs and get myself to work on time. I also knew getting up earlier, as some suggested, was not an option. I already get up at the unGodly hour of 5:30 am. Not easy for a non-morning person like myself.

What did my morning routine need?

First, I had to figure out what I needed in my morning routine, and what I wanted in my morning routine. Here’s my list:

  • Time to get myself ready. I know I could shave time off here, but I have a professional position and need to do things like dry my hair and put makeup on.
  • Get the kids ready. I have it pretty good that Monkey can go to daycare in his jammies with clothes for the day packed in his bag. But Roo, during the school year, goes to abefore school program so he needs to be ready for the day. And they both at least need shoes on and a small amount of time to get themselves together for the day.
  • Quality time with the kiddos. This started the want part of the list. I hated the mornings when it was rush, rush, rush and me yelling at the kids to hurry up because we were running late. It didn’t make me or them feel good as we started our day.
  • Focus on the day. I like a few minutes to think about my day and what I need to accomplish. Some days I can do this when I get to work and sit down at my desk, but some days I go straight into a meeting or presentation and don’t have that luxery.
  • Prayer. I have a lot of issues that trouble me and I often think I need to pray about these things. I just don’t always have the time carved out for this kind of reflection like I should.

So here’s how I created a morning routine that works for this working mama.  Click here to tweet!

I started out by thinking in terms of time blocks, because scheduling seems a little easier to handle than just the general order of things. I started with the “big rocks” or the things that were needs. Then I found a way to add in the wants, one at a time. Here’s what my routine looked like after I took the times out:

  • Wake up; get myself ready for the day.
  • Prayer or read a devotional.
  • Focus on the day.
  • Quality time with the kids – read or just talk to them.
  • Get the kids ready.
  • Out the door!

The tricky part is that this routine needs to be fluid and flexible. If the kids sleep until 6:45 or 7 am – perfect! If not, then the flexibility needs to come in. So my routine needs to include a way to have prayer or devotional time with the kids, if needed, and double up with that being quality time. Time to focus on the day is not a sure thing. If the kids get up early, then I either do that when I get to work, skip it, or try to think in the car as I drive to work.

I do best with routines if I can see them and be reminded of what comes next. So do my kiddos. So I’ve created a printable with my routine, in the style of subway art because I really like that right now!

I’m offering the printable free to all new blog subscribers for this month! Just hop up to the top of the blog, and click the “Click here to follow” button. I’ll email the pdf version of the printable right to your email within 24 hours (WordPress subscribers: WordPress does not allow me access to your email. Please email me your address at bethatstructure@gmail.com and I will get your printable right out! Sorry for the inconvenience!)! Current subscribers, drop me an email at bethatstructure@gmail.com and I’ll send a printable out to you, as well!

Filed Under: Happiness, Stress Management, Time Management Tagged With: , , , ,

5 Reasons Why I Love Google Reader

June 28, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Since I am a blog writer, I’m sure it will not come as a surprise to you that I am also a big blog reader. And since you are reading this right now, there’s a pretty good chance you read other blogs as well (except the few family members that faithfully read my blog, and only my blog – thanks!). If you like to follow just a few or quite a lot of blogs, Google reader will certainly be a valuable tool for you! Here’s why I love using Google Reader:

  1. It provides “one stop shopping” no matter where I’m at. I can go to one site and read everything I want to keep up on. There is no need to make a long list in my favorites of all the blogs I read. And then replicate that list on every computer and device I use! By using Google reader, I can see my list of blogs from my computer at home, at work, on my phone, on The Coach’s iPad, or any other device I choose to use that I can connect to Google on.
  2. It is simple to add (or delete) blogs to my list. I can either choose to add a subscription while I am in the Google Reader by typing in the name of the blog and searching for it. Or if I am on the blog, and it has an RSS feed button, I can click that and add it to my Goggle Reader list right from the blog.
  3. I can do all my reading right in the Google Reader window if I want to. This is great if I I have limited time, but want to keep up. I don’t need to click out to other sites and wait for anything to load up. I do click out if I want to comment or sign up for a giveaway or “like” a post, but I don’t do that on every single post I read, so it still saves me a considerable amount of time.
  4. I can easily see at a glance how busy the “blogosphere” is at any given time. If there are only three new posts since the last time I checked, then probably a fairly slow day. If there are 24 since I checked, then the blog world is hopping. Maybe this is only interesting to me, but I think it is a perk of the Google Reader!
  5. It makes it easy to find recent, but not new posts. If I know I read something on a blog a couple days ago, I can easily scroll through the Google Reader list of posts until I hit the right date, or until I see the title of the post I was looking for. This wouldn’t be very efficient if I was looking for something from 6 months ago, but very helpful if I know I read it within the last week, but can’t remember what day.

So fellow blog readers, I love Google Reader and wanted to spread the love. Give it a try if you are looking to keep your blog reading a little more efficient and organized (or more structured!).

Do you use a reader? How do you keep track of and catch up on blogs you love (like mine!)? :)

Filed Under: Time Management Tagged With: , , , , ,

How and Why I Multitask

May 8, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I know all the findings from those all mighty researchers we are always reading about tell us that multitasking is not productive and we actually accomplish less, rather than more, when we attempt to do more than one task at a time. But I don’t think I know a single mother that will tell you she never has to multitask.

Part of the mom job description is having the skills to handle more than one thing at a time. Raising kids and doing, well, anything else fills more time than there are hours in the day. Multitasking is a necessity. So while it may not be the most productive or efficient way to get things done, sometimes done is good enough and perfect is not needed.

Here are some of the ways I multitask on a regular basis:

  • I use my smartphone to go through emails or catch up on social media while waiting in line or sitting in a waiting room. I have made this more efficient by using filters for my email so I can quickly scan a group of similar emails when I have a spare minute. Some emails I can quickly delete without even opening. For example, I get emails regularly from stores such as Kohls and Target. If I know I’m not going there within the week, I can simply click and delete without opening. Since this kind of sorting and purging of my email inbox is fairly low concentration, it is easy to do while I’m engaged in something else.
  • I only have a couple TV shows I like to watch each week, but I almost never just sit and watch them. I use that time to fold laundry, clip coupons, or go through a stack of mail or papers from the week. Again, these are fairly low concentration tasks, so my mind can still focus on the show while I get something else done at the same time.
  • In the fall when The Coach is at football and this spring with him coaching softball, it is just me and the boys at dinner time most nights. Since they have been at daycare or school all day, they understandably want some of my attention when we get home. However, they also need to eat. So while I start dinner, I do a number of other things. While the boys do their afternoon routine and chores I get dinner going and clean anything in the kitchen that needs it. After that, I try to have Roo read his homework books to me in the kitchen while I’m working on dinner. Monkey sometimes listens or gets a book of his own out and “reads” it to us.
  • On the weekends at lunch or days when the boys are taking awhile to finish their dinners, I will grab a book and read to them while they eat. Also, I will often try to read at my desk at work while I eat my lunch. I’m not much of a “take a lunch break” kind of girl, so I often give into the temptation to just work and eat, but I try on stressful or busy days to take a few minutes and read while I eat.
  • Finally, I use my drive to and from work to make quick calls to friends and catch up. I know some people will lecture me about distracted driving, but my opinion is I can drive safely and chat at the same time. And it is much easier to chat with a friend in the quiet of my car by myself than it is to try and do so when my kids are running around and playing and demanding attention.

Do I try to solve the world’s problems while researching a cure for cancer? Of course not. But I do try to squeeze in some of those low mental energy tasks while doing another low to mid-level mental energy task. And I try to choose the things that can be done “well enough” for my multitasking efforts. Since tasks like folding the laundry and tidying up the kitchen don’t have to be done perfectly, they work well for doing while I am accomplishing something else at the same time.

How do you multitask?

Filed Under: Time Management Tagged With: ,

What I Do and Don’t Make Time For

May 6, 2012 by 2 Comments

One of my favorite blogs to read is Simple Organized Living. Not too long ago, Andrea wrote a post about what she does and doesn’t make time for.  Reading it made me think about what I do and don’t make time for. So here’s what makes the time cut (and what doesn’t) for me:

What I Make Time For

  • Planning and organizing. I just feel unsettled if I don’t have a plan for my week and my day. And clutter in my home gives me the same unsettled feeling. So I make time each week, and each day, to go over what I have going on, what I need to do, and where I need to be. I also make time to organize the space around me, whether it is clearing out the clutter from the week, finding a better way to store the toys, or repurposing a closet to  reading nook. These things are worth my time because they allow me to feel settled and focused on what matters to me – my family.
  • Social Media. I have gone through  phases of backing away from social media, mostly because it just got a little overwhelming at certain times in my life and I needed less contact with people rather than more. But for the most part, I really like that I can feel connected to people I don’t see on a regular basis through sites like Facebook and Pinterest. I especially love that I can keep in touch with family that is far away. It is so nice to see on a daily basis what my aunts and cousins are up to, even though we are all miles and miles apart. And whether times are good or bad, its nice to read their words of support and be reminded of how much they love me.
  • Time with The Coach. One of the hardest things I have found of having children is making time for and keeping connected to my husband. I went through quite a stretch where I would feel guilty working all day during the week and then getting a babysitter or sending my kids to my in-laws for the night so I could have a date with The Coach. I have come to realize though, that if I don’t make time for my marriage, I’m not setting a good example for my boys of how they need to treat their future spouses and what a healthy relationship looks like. So I make time during the week to work out together and time on the weekends to go out on dates together a couple times a month.

What I DON’T Make Time For

  • Watching movies. I realized as I was at the video rental store with the kids one day, that I don’t really care about spending time watching movies. Or much TV, for that matter. I have a couple shows I like to watch, but other than those I really just watch if The Coach wants to watch TV together. I’m not opposed to movies or TV, and do watch them once in awhile, but I would just rather spend that time doing something else.
  • Cleaning. I often go for what I call, “the appearance of clean.” While I really like everything organized and will spend time on that, I often let my dusting and sweeping go for an embarrassingly long time. I have just started getting the boys to help dust, which helps a lot, but if they weren’t doing it, I don’t think anyone would be! I keep clean what needs to be clean, which is mostly the kitchen and bathrooms, and the rest often gets pushed aside until we’re having company or I notice something is desperately in need of cleaning.
  • Extreme couponing or money saving. Yes, I could absolutely stand to whittle down my budget in some areas. Freeing up some money in some areas would be fabulous, so we could put it to good use in other areas. However, I am never going to be the person that spends hours each week clipping coupons and stockpiling toothpaste and pasta sauce. There are too many other things I would rather spend my time on. So, yes, I basically waste money. But my time is worth something, as well.

What do you make time for? What is not worth your time?

Filed Under: Time Management Tagged With:

What I Say “No” To

April 26, 2012 by 4 Comments

I was raised to be a nice, helpful, accommodating girl. Sometimes, I think this has been the source of a great amount of unhappiness and almost the cause of my downfall. Because nice, helpful, accommodating girls say “yes” to doing a lot of things we should say “no” to. So we spend time, money, and energy (physical, mental, and emotional), doing things for others that are not bringing us any joy. 

So I pretty much exhausted myself trying to “do it all.” Then in the midst of an emotional meltdown, I had a therapist tell me, “It’s ok to put a fence around the things that are important to you. Then you decide what you allow inside that fence, and what you want to deal with outside that fence.” 

Wow. That was a life changing moment for me. So now I look at my family, my career, and my passions and I put a fence around them. Then I decide what should be included in that fence. And if I don’t feel something should be included inside that fence, or something is not worthy of my leaving my fence to attend to it, then I simply say, “I’m sorry, but no.” 

Here are some of the things I say “No” to:

  • Volunteering for every event at Roo’s school. This does not mean I am not involved in Roo’s school, it just means I do not need to be the helper, snack provider, donation sender for every event. Just the other day I was asked to help at Science Night. I politely said, “I’m sorry, that is the only night that week The Coach does not have a softball game. We’re going to just attend the Science Night as a family.” And we had a great time not helping.
  • Activities for my kids. Yes, I think my kids should be exposed to a variety of activities so they can decide for themselves what they like and what they don’t like. But my kids are 5 and 2. We don’t need to have an activity scheduled every night. So we play one sport a season and we attend the kids night at church each week during the school year, because both my kids have fun at it. Do I think activities like Boy Scouts, tumbling classes, and swim lessons are bad? Absolutely not. But I think overscheduling my kids to the point of everyone’s exhaustion is bad, so we politely say “No” to some activities.  
  • Social Activities. I know it is good to get out and socialize. And I know bonding with others is therapeutic. But sometimes I would rather stay home with The Coach, Roo, and Monkey. So sometimes I find a sub for me in my card group, or I pass on a Girls’ Night Out, or I politely decline a dinner invitation. It’s not that I don’t like these friends, it’s that I need some time inside my fence to feel centered and happy. 

Do I still feel guilty sometimes saying “no”? Absolutely. In the end, though, I am usually glad I said “no” and followed my heart and mind telling me what they needed. 

What do you say “No” to?   

Filed Under: Stress Management, Time Management Tagged With: , , ,
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