I am waving my white flag. I have had enough. Enough of the should-do’s of parenting I am confronted with at every turn. It seems someone is constantly telling me, either in person, or on Facebook, or on a blog, or in a magazine, or on TV, what I should be doing.
I should breastfeed my babies.
I should feed my toddlers homemade organic babyfood.
I should fill my kids with only healthy, unprocessed food. Food which I make myself so it is healthier, more frugal, and environmentally friendly.
I should cosleep with my children because before I know I know it they will be all grown up. Or, conversely, I should put my children in their own beds, face up in their crib with no bumpers, blankets, or pillows, and I should not spoil them by running into their room every time they cry.
I should never discipline my children, which would shame them and cause damage to their self esteem, but rather gently and lovingly use every wrong doing to teach them how to be independent decision makers and ethically outstanding individuals.
I should stay home with my children and teach them myself. Or, again conversely, I should work outside the home to set an example of women being breadwinners and having their own careers while both demanding equality from my public schools and not coddling my children by swooping in to fight their battles or overprotect them.
I should, I should, I should…
ENOUGH.
There are not enough minutes in the day for all the loving, intentional, enriching activities I should be doing with my children. I don’t have enough energy in my body to be growing or preparing or making all the meals and snacks I should be feeding my family. I don’t have enough money in the bank for all the environmentally friendly and organic products and foods I should be buying and using. I am exhausted from trying.
I have tried for over six years to follow all the shoulds and to do as I was told. I have tried to read every label and follow every technique and speak all the right words and buy all the right toys. And even more exhausting is the guilt when I can’t do all the shoulds. When I buy the processed macaroni and cheese. When I put a crying child back in his bed because I am tired and want to sleep without feet kicking my back. When I buy the made in China polyester sweatpants because they are only $5 and my son has torn holes in the knees of the last five pairs I have bought.
I am declaring enough. Enough listening to the shoulds and wearing myself thin trying to follow them and feeling like a failure when I don’t do what I should.
No matter what my kids eat, or where they are during the day, or where they sleep at night, or what games they play, or what books we read, it is enough. It is enough because it is done out of a love that fills me so much it overflows out of me and over them, like a blanket covering them on a cold snowy night. It is enough because a content and confident mom is so much better than an exhausted and guilt-ridden one.
So, my friend, help me to wave our white flag. The should do’s are loud and constant. Help remind each other that we are enough. Because we can be louder than the doubt and the guilt. We can be enough.
Amen!! I try not to advise others on what they should and should not do because I felt the same way you do. Yes, I have many regrets and wish I would have done many things differently but my children have told me as adults that I was a wonderful mother and doing things differently wouldn’t have made any difference. Your boys are obviously loved and always have so much love of their own to give back because of it!
Thanks so much, Theresa! I have been feeling overwhelmed the past couple months by all the “shoulds.” Last month I stopped listening for awhile and and just loved my kids up. I think we were all happier for it! I read before that parenting is simple – you love your kids, it’s as easy and as hard as that. I agree!
Well said! I came to this realization a few years ago – but occasionally still need reminders! I HATE the term Super Mom. There is NO SUCH THING! I will continue to love my kids and spend as much time with them as possible – because that is what they really want. The rest, will be what it is.
Absolutely agree, Jill! There is no such thing as Super Mom. Or maybe we should think of it the opposite way – we are ALL Super Mom! You are right – loving our kids as much as possible is the best we can all do! And that looks different for every family! Thanks for the comment!
I can’t speak for anyone else… but I do post about parenting tips… I have a couple already posted and a ton in my drafts. This is the second post I’ve read recently that is saying “NO!” I love my kids, and I love mentoring other women {I work with teens who are pregnant and parenting}. For me, I don’t think that I am a perfect mom… I feed my kids chicken nuggets and mac and cheese occasionally, I sometimes lose my temper and shout at my kids… I drink wine at the end of a looooong day… I look forward to school starting back up again… I think I share ideas and “do this not that” as a way to share ideas… not as a way to attack or judge or stress out other mamas… now I have to think through how I write those posts. Thanks for the food for thought.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment AJ! I find it hard being on both sides of the screen – a mommy blogger as well as a mom. As a blogger, I want to encourage, educate, and motivate other moms. But as a mom, I get tired of hearing what I should be doing – especially if it is something I’m not! I try to find a voice and a tone that lets other moms know what works for ME, and if it helps them, great; if it doesn’t work for them, that’s great, too. I often have to tweak or rewrite to get there, and I sometimes read something that I already posted and think “oh no – that’s not how I wanted to sound!” Thanks again for sharing – I think you’re doing a great job!
And I would second that AMEN!! I read somewhere today (I think it was an ecard) that said (paraphrased) “I see all these women posting these beautiful and perfect things they made and did on Pinterest. I fed and kept my children alive today.” I laughed so hard. I could never keep up with all the “shoulds” and the advice is always changing anyway. My kids are loved, fed, usually bathed, and happy. So I feel pretty successful!
Sounds very successful to me!!I’ve seen that ecard and thought it was hilarious, too!! Some of those crack me up! And some of the “shoulds” are impossible because they contradict one another! Like you should have your babies sleep in the same bed as you, and you should put your child in a crib, NOT in your bed! There’s no way to win!